We all can imagine that the life of a child with special needs can be hard and unfair….that is easy to see. Well what about the life of siblings of special needs children? These are the children that always seem to be thought of second…not out of neglect but because of the necessary attention that is needed by the disabled or chronically ill brother or sister. For a parent it can be overwhelming to spread out your time or attention evenly. Making sure that all your children feel loved and involved. Fears of one of our children feeling alone, jealous, and then worrying about loosing touch can be such a scary concern for any parent…. even in families without challenges of special needs children face these fears….no one wants their child to feel unimportant.
When I was pregnant with my third child I didn’t worry how my older two boys would feel about this new addition to our family. They were excited and were constantly thinking of what they would want more…a little brother or a little sister. We just knew that this baby was going to be loved and adored by his or her big brothers. I remember looking forward to the day when we would be able to find out the baby’s sex. We even had plans of bringing the boys to the doctor’s appointment so they could share in this special moment. But unfortunately that scenario never happened. I fell sick with a horrible cold and due to weakness from dehydration I had to see the doctor immediately. It was at that appointment that the doctor decided it would be a good idea to do an ultrasound. That is when we discovered that my precious baby was a boy…a boy with spina bifida.
That moment in time is such a blur in my memory. Instead of dreaming of first smiles, first words, or even first steps….my thoughts were filled with the worry of not knowing if myself or my family was ready for the challenges that we were now facing. Trying to picture how I was going to tell my sons or wondering how I was going to explain all of this to them…the thought of it broke my heart.
At first, we decided not to tell them. They knew that mommy wasn’t feeling well and went on with talking about all the things they were going to do with their new baby brother. This was a very difficult time in my life. The questions about all the hardships and the concerns that accompanied raising a special needs child filled my thoughts every minute. I was also worrying about how my boys would perceive or act towards this child…what the stress to the family would do to them. But I can see today that God always had a plan!
After my youngest son was born we sat his brothers down and explained why his life would probably be different. We answered any question, never denied them contact…actually including them in almost every procedure, every moment..good or bad…in their brothers life. Showing them that he would still be able to do things with them but just in his own special way and in his own time. We then stepped back and let God do his work!
Over the last few years I have watched my boys grow to accept and be respectful of every person…no matter disabled or not. Watching as they made friends with children most people would walk past. I am proud of how they are so protective and supportive of their little brother…including him in all aspects of their lives. Making him feel like not just their brother but also their friend! Then to see how much he loves and respects them makes me feel so very blessed.
I have noticed that most siblings of special needs or chronically ill children have more patience, compassion, and are more accepting of other people’s differences. These wonderfully, unselfish children seem to grow to be activists for a cause, supporters of the weak, and hero’s to all children they come in contact with. Seeing them change the world’s perception of their amazing brothers and sisters.
I am often asked if my boys ever resent their little brother for the time and the care he must receive? If they seem jealous of him? I just smile and tell stories of the three of them playing Playstation for hours, or maybe the time they put him in his wagon to go down the street to play with the other kids, and even how the both were there to help and cheer him on during therapy sessions or any other challenge he has faced.
I thank God for blessing my family with this challenge because it made my boys strong in their friendships, great in their patience for others, and powerful in their love for one another! I also have seen the strengthening in their faith in God. I ‘ve watched them unselfishly sacrifice for their little brother, pray for him, and fight for him. I don’t worry what the future holds for my littlest son…. because I know that no matter the challenge he might face in life his…. brothers will always have his back!
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