Basic question a Mom forgot to ask her child

Were you ever asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?”

I have three sons, and with the first two I remember that I asked them that question.  Over the years the responses have changed…policeman, fireman, or lawyer.  I realized not too long ago that I hadn’t asked my youngest son what he wanted to be. I believe that because of his disabilities, I saw him as still a very small child and because of that, not able to plan that far ahead. I guess I was so worried about today…. that the future him would eventually get its time.

One day while watching old home videos of my oldest son, listening to him tell the camera what he dreamed of becoming someday (which at the time was policeman) it dawned on me that I had disregarded my youngest son’s dreams. I always thought of OUR future and MY dreams for him. My dreams were for him to walk, run, jump, have a normal life. Then I realized that I wasn’t really paying attention to him.

As a mother of a special needs child you want to create a feeling of normalcy in everyday life. I guess because they have to grow up so fast, because of everything they must endure everyday– dealing with more than most adults deal with on a daily basis, just fighting to get through each day, each goal, each everyday task–that the normal kid problems are forgotten by us parents. We all remember being an awkward kid, life’s pressures, and uncertainties. Unfortunately, special needs  kids have those challenges and so much more …some of which they will never grow out of.

I realized that I had denied my son a voice in his future. I had never asked him what he dreamed of ….what he wanted to be when he grew up!

One day, about a year ago, he was sitting in his chair watching tv when I looked at him and asked, “What would you like to be when you grow up?” He turned his head and looked at me with those big, brown eyes and said, ”I want to be famous!” I thought that was funny considering that he was watching his favorite show “BIG TIME RUSH” and that was one their songs …his favorite song. I thought, here is a little boy who wants to be chased by lots of starstruck girls…. so much his daddy’s son. I still smile and cry when I think of what he said when I asked what he meant. He explained, “I want to be famous …like everyone knows who I am”. My heart stopped for a moment when I realized that even though his life, with all the therapies, doctors, equipment, and paperwork, seemed to be filled with attention, he felt that he wasn’t being seen. He wanted to be seen for more than what people thought he was. This little boy who had been so frail and weak in the beginning of his life had a personality and a self-worth that could not be measured. He wanted not to just be part of the world but to make it better.

On that day I decided to stop thinking of my dreams for him first …but his! Over the last year I have spent my time looking for ways to help him find his bliss: what makes him happy…what gives him a feeling of achievement. I have tried to help him discover himself and what would give him a feeling of accomplishment. I have stopped treating him as a helpless baby and am pushing him, helping him to become a strong and independent man. He has chores, does his homework, and gets punished just like his brothers. He knows that he is loved but he also knows that there are goals that have to be met and it is his job to meet them.  I have seen him start to complete tasks without instruction and try things on his own (sometimes things that get him into trouble…but that is a typical boy after all). I am so proud of his accomplishments this past year and I am proud of my own. He has changed my life in so many ways… and has made me , as well as so many people around him, see that anything and everything is possible if you have FAITH. My grandmother taught me that ….and I take so much pride in passing that on to my children. Even when things seem hopeless…we only have to see someone else’s struggles to see how blessed we really are. I know that my life, though hard sometimes, is truly blessed.

I have been asked if they( meaning doctors, therapists, teachers, and even family) think he will be an asset to society? I can say, with all certainty, that he already IS!